I don't know why for the past several years I've been sad. It's like, fear of so many things. I know, I'm not sad all the time, but there is the time when I feel like falling aparts, when everything feels wrong, I'm feeling alone with no reassurance. 

I can't be 100% honest to everyone about what I feel because they may not understand and I'm too afraid to hear some bad things about me being exaggerated. Or maybe too selfish. Or maybe somehow I just hurt people I talk to.

They said, I have nothing to stress of because what am I doing so far? nothing. They see me as a person that irresponsible, careless and very happy and free, but the fact is I struggle so much, I didn't even know my self the best. 

All my friend seems having a good life. Having a beloved partner, some of them even have cute kids. They have good job on their workplace. What did I do to myself? I'm trying to pursue what I'd like to make it a job oneday but my strength isn't support me somehow.

I'm afraid, what will happen to me in the future, I'm tired of losing.

I study so hard for my future, I've got excellent GPA, but why it doesn't work out? 

I have never did big mistakes, I am not a rebellious child but I am like this now. This is not fair.

Well, sorry for maldness, I can only express my feeling here where nobody knows. No one in my life will read this.

But I know, God will save me, I will always believe in God.

Okay then, until next time.